Inside the Judge's Chambers

Gossip is really slow on the weekends for some reason. We don't really get to hear what the celebs are up to until Monday. But dammit, people need something to distract them from their household duties on the weekend just as much as they need a decent distraction from work during the week. Sug and I have been talking about what we can do to remedy this. This is one of those thoughts. A lot of the time, the things we say in chat don't make it to print, and they can be as entertaining if not moreso then what we actually hit "publish" on. Here's a conversation we had while I was writing a bit about Orlando Bloom. Oh, and proper punctuation and capitalization are a courtesy in chat, so bite me on the typos.

Mel: Is Orlando Bloom good looking?
I can't figure this out
I think he looks like a landscaper
specifically, of the mexican variety
Sug: Ha!
I've been watching Quantum Leap.
Reminded me of Bakuland.
Mel: whatever happened to that guy?
Sug: He was on Star Trek: Enterprise.
Mel: I like typing "orlando bloom"
it's a pretty name
and the ordering of the letters is fun for the fingers
Sug: I just wrote Jason a check for utilities, and in the memo I wrote "tube tops and fondue."
Orlando Bloom
orlando bloom
I dont' like the double o, but other than that I agree.
Mel: I always put "services rendered" in the memo spot for personal checks
hold down the o instead
orlando bloom
orlando bloooom
gotta lift up at just the right second
orlando bloom
Sug: orlando blom
orlando bloom
orlando blom
orlando bloom
Awkward.
Mel: we change his last name a little then
orlando bloem
that's where my fingers want to go
Sug: Orlando Bloem
I like it.
It would be pronounced the same as "Bloom" in Dutch.
Mel: and none of his monograms would have to change
Sug: He can't afford NOT to change his name.
Mel: i'm guessing that hundreds of fans each day try to tell their friends about him, then typo on that double o and just give up
Sug: And he's all like, "This is bullshit, Johnny Depp has TWO double letters."
Mel: johnny depp earned those letters, you don't make a movie like crybaby and walk away withOUT earning your colors, that's for damn sure
Sug: Ew.
Scissorhands, bitch.
Mel: scissorhands earned him the right to trash a hotel and anally penetrate wynona rider
Sug: Ed Wood, bitch.
Mel: look, he earned the double lettering with crybaby
deal with it
probably even earned those n's during jump street
Sug: Get right the hell out.
Mel: jump back
Sug: Jump Street was shit.
Maybe for a movie it would have been acceptable.
But for several seasons, for those kids not to have realized who the narcs were?
Come now.
Mel: i always thought that doug fella was the most obvious
on account of him being 37, and all
i totally wanted to be a narc when i grew up, though
i didn't realize that'd be a bad thing until i was in high school
my barbie was always a narc
Sug: He looked like Marlon Brando from Streetcar, except with a mullet and a jean jacket.
Mel: but she'd always fuck the guy she was supposed to bust
barbie was pretty much just a slut, actually...
we've kind of wandered off into a weird place
we're not friends anymore, are we

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