Jessica Simpson Is a Clown Prostitute

Jessica Simpson, shown back in the day when she was really, really hot, just isn't anymore. I don't know what happened to her, but she showed up to the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala looking like some kind of horrorshow. Bronzed beyond recognition and bearing a hideous grin framed by blood-red lips, she will haunt my nightmares this evening.

Lately, it's as though Jessica Simpson just discovered that she has breasts. She said to herself, "Hey, these are kinda cool, and I bet other people would think so, too! I'm gonna let everybody see them!" John Mayer is reportedly pissed at her antics, but if I were him, I'd just be pissed because I paid for the hot girl from The Dukes of Hazzard but got Leatherface.

Source: I'm Not Obsessed