Lindsay Lohan's father, represented in the photo above by Karl Lagerfeld, has gone running to the tabs to cash in on his daughter's recent stint in rehab, revealing that Lindsay is addicted to alcohol and oxycontin, then lying and reporting that he's concerned for her care:
Michael, who recently served jail time for assault and driving while intoxicated, told E! Online: "I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care. And I'm satisfied they are doing the right thing for her, helping her detox from the painkillers and things. That's a very important step."
You know what's also probably an important step? Eliminating people from her life who run to the highest bidder with her private matters every time the girl squats to shit. I understand that "reporting" it is just as bad as spilling it, but let's not ignore the obvious: I'm a bitchy blogger on a downhill slide toward thirty with increasingly prominent grey hair and undereye circles that just won't quit. Oi, and my skin texture is just for crap anymore. And as I've gotten older, I've started to grow HAIR on my TOE. How effing gross is THAT? Anyway, what I'm saying here is that I don't owe Lindsay Lohan anything, save for my jealousy of her perfectly windblown hair and perky breasts. Her father, however, owes her at the very least a closed fucking mouth and his support while she tries to turn around her life rather than inevitably dying via vom-choke and being grave-robbed of those luscious locks by some aging blogger from Jersey. Lindsay, if it helps...I may hate you on the internet, but I love you in Mean Girls. Mom and Dad may be of no help at all, but you'll always have me and Sug.
Source: Daily Mail
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