Michael Lohan, pictured above desperately checking for a message from his daughter, is starting his own rehab clinic. And he's teaming up with crazy pseudo-celebrity Stephen Baldwin to do it. Some of you might be saying, "But Sugraf, Stephen Baldwin starred in The Usual Suspects! Cut him some slack!" The reasonable among you, however, are saying, "You mean the guy who starred in Bio-Dome and now produces born-again Christian skateboarding videos? Yeah, screw that guy."
The crazy pair have teamed up with the even crazier Donald Havrilla of the Southampton Full Gospel Church.
Havrilla, who holds staunch anti-abortion and anti-gay views, said he was approached by Michael Lohan and Baldwin about the plan through an intermediary. "I'm not part of the Hollywood crowd," Havrilla said. "But I talked with these guys and was pleasantly surprised."It's a good thing they got Havrilla involved, because if there's one thing that's crucial to the rehabilitation process, it's virulent hatred of homosexuals. What's more, conveying that hatred of homosexuals is bound to serve the "Hollywood crowd" well when they get back to the Golden State. Stylists and cosmotologists will be driven out of town by the droves!
The popular, and probably correct, assumption is that Michael Lohan is trying desperately to get in touch with his daughter, and that he hopes she'll have a relapse or something and somehow get placed in the rehabilitation center run by the father she despises and a bunch of insane people.
It's just crazy enough to work.
Source: A Socialite's Life
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