Paris Hilton, pictured above thinking she's sexy, will evidently not be allowed to serve any less than 39 days in prison, TMZ reports. Many folks had feared that she might get out after a couple of days because of overcrowding, but the latest reports make it seem like that's unlikely to be the case.
TMZ has learned that Hilton is eligible for a "Good Time/Work Time" credit, a federal mandate which offers a chance to leave the joint early -- for inmates sentenced to 11 days or more. According to the mandate, every four days that an inmate spends behind bars "in an acceptable manner" will count as six. So, as long as Paris doesn't smuggle in a BlackBerry or stab a fellow inmate with a shank carved from a bar of soap -- she should be back at Hyde after just 39 orange jumpsuit-clad days!
The math above is making my head hurt. Let's walk through it. After 4 days, it will be as though Paris has served 6 days. After 8 days, like she'd served 12. Extrapolating from there, after 30 days the mandate would have her being released from her 45 day sentence. I don't know where TMZ is getting this 39 day number. I also understand that none of you probably care, so I'm going to move on.
According to Cele|bitchy, there's a grassroots movement online to get a petition to pardon Paris to Arnold Schwarzenegger, pictured at right with the Cryptkeeper in his younger days. You can see the petition here, but if you don't feel like clicking, here's a couple of selections from the text:Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.
[...]
If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.
The first part has a "We suck, therefore you have to pardon Paris Hilton so we don't have to deal with the cripplingly depressing weight of the reality of our own existences" vibe to it, doesn't it? Somehow I think the world won't be any worse off if all of the signatories of this petition lock themselves in their rooms and masturbate furiously while crying and mumbling, "I love you, Paris.....I love you," in an attempt to deal with how empty their lives truly are.
As for the second part, it almost certainly cements that this whole petition is a joke to bait the stupidest among us into signing such a piece of transparent idiocy. You'll have to click the link to see how terribly the petition glosses over the three times Paris was stopped by police, eliding it into one single stop. And maybe my favorite part, which is how the author seems to think that "feeling sorry about it" is punishment enough for, you know, committing a crime.
Source: TMZ, Cele|bitchy
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