As I sat digging for content this morning, I came across a headline stating that Elisha Cuthbert almost died. Instantly I thought, "Oh my Bob, I know she hung around with Paris but I was entirely willing to forgive her that because she's adorable and well dressed most (MOST) of the time and while I hate her for being so damn lovable and making me feel empathy for a porn star in that damned movie (aside: why are all they all called porn stars? They can't ALL be stars) I mostly enjoy her and this is just awful awful awful news!" That's what I get for passing judgment before reading the whole story. Behold:
Canadian Cuthbert says, "I almost got killed. We're walking along the street and I'm an idiot because the light turns green and a van screeches (to a halt). I walked past the van and realized, 'Oh my God, I'm in the middle of an intersection and they've got a green light and I decided to cross.' As soon as I pass the van, a Mercedes Benz is about to clip me in the knees, and I'm like, 'I'm about to die.'
"So all of a sudden you freeze and think to yourself, `Can I outrun it? No. Am I going to break my legs? Probably.' And what do I do? This is so cool of me because you realize the kind of person you are. I leaped up onto the car and I bounced and I flew all the way across the intersection. And I land right on my butt in the middle of the intersection. 'Am I dead? No I'm not dead. Do I have any bones broken? No. Purse still intact.'"
Seriously. Seriously? Seriously...you didn't almost die, hun. You jumped on a car. Which, honestly, that'd be so cool if you weren't on about how you almost died when you (and your accessories) walked away unscathed. I don't think that's called "almost dying" so much as it's called "jumping upon moving traffic." I understand that you're considerably under-exposed at the moment, but you're channeling the worst possible parts of Clueless to snag some press, and it's not entirely becoming. Sure, some random guys hung you over a balcony, but whose fault was that? Learn how to pick a decent guy out of the crowd, for crying out loud, and you won't have to deal with the sort who hang you from your midsection in the middle of your shopping oasis. But then to go on about your "near death experience" when you know good and goddamn well that poor Cher was just held at gunpoint after she got out of Elton's car in the Valley? A car that she was only in because YOU were too dense to understand that you ought to ride with him instead? A car that she had to remove herself from because he spoke lowly of you? Oh, it's just so low. So so low. Cher's handbag and dress didn't survive HER near death experience, now did they? You, Elisha, are cold-hearted.
Source: Starpulse
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