Lindsay Lohan...well you know already, don't you?

This is daunting, to say the least. When I started this post around 9:30 this morning, everything was all brandy-new and there wasn't much to report, aside from the drinking, the driving, the cocaine, the arrest, and the incredibly obvious joke. But now...now there's SO much that I don't even know where to start. TMZ's entire front page is pretty much all Lindsay now. And it's gotten depressing. At the end of the day, her maximum sentence could be six years. Poor lamb. I'm tired just thinking about it all, actually. So instead of putting forth any further effort, I give you yet another chat log:

Mel: I'm not having a good day.
Sug: At least you didn't get arrested for drunk driving with cocaine for the second time. There's always that.
Mel: That's always a plus.
God bless her, she makes it too damn easy.
Sug: She'll die soon.
Mel: We're buying those pictures, I don't care how much they cost.
She could face six years in jail.
What will we blog about?
Sug: Lindsay? Boy howdy, that's some serious time. That's a hell of a lot more than Paris's 45 days.
As for what we'll blog about, I think it's obvious. The Cryptkeeper and Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.
Mel: And she's back in rehab. The statement from her rep is classic. He may as well have just said "cocaine's a hell of a drug" to get the laugh.
Sug: Yeah, just saw that. I really don't get why the SCRAM didn't pick it up.
Mel:...because the only person monitoring it was Lindsay.
Sug: And by that, you mean she was in a bathing suit and monitoring the anklet like a fucking accessory.
Mel: Did you see what Leno is doing?
Rob Schneider is coming on in her place, dressed as her.
Sug: Wow. Leno might actually be worth watching for once, you're saying?
Also, she's got two assistants? What?
Mel: Paula Abdul has two assistants too.
Three now, I think.
From what I can tell, one of them is just there to be yelled at when Paula looks bad.
Leno is SO worth watching tonight.
Sug: I might have to be playing Guitar Hero: 80s Edition, though.
Mel: That does seem a bit more important.