I Have Nightmares Like This

You ever have one of those dreams where for some reason you're in a play or a dance recital, but you've managed to skip out on every single rehearsal so you're forced on stage in your underthings and can do little more than bop around seconds after everyone else looking ridiculous and confused while you forget all of the lines you knew damn well you should have been rehearsing in front of your entire family and Dave Coulier (I don't know why...I dream about him a lot) who are looking on in anticipation from the audience? Yea. Even those nightmares are less embarrassing to watch than this. Congratulations, Brit. I'm older than you, I make less money than you, but for once in my life I finally have a better body and reputation than you. Welcome to my happy day, y'all. Wrap a snake around yo neck and get comfy.



P.S. I flat out refuse to give any credibility to the spin her publicist put on this about how she heard Sarah Silverman's joke before going out on stage and therefore couldn't perform.

P.P.S. Why was Paris Hilton wearing Blanche from Golden Girls' hair last night? Didn't anyone tell her that looked absurd? I thought for sure that Sarah Silverman would...

P.P.P.S. I love Sarah Silverman. And strawberry milkshakes. And pandas.

Thanks to Pretty on the Outside for the header art.