As most of you probably know, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock, both exes of Pamela Anderson (as well as both being ex-relevant, or something), got into a little dustup at the VMAs over the weekend. As fights go, it seems to have been pretty lame. But it prompted Tommy Lee to pen a stunning literary exploration of his emotions in the wake of the traumatic event. I won't comment on its content, as I can't bring myself to care. Instead, I will treat it as though it had been submitted to the cruel red pen of my high school English teacher.
Yeah!! .....here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the MTV awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends......Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore
Tommy, I don't understand. Are you trying to say that you love and adore your lap? This personification of one of your body parts seems out of place and odd in such an essay. Think about cutting it from future drafts. But if you are indeed saying you love your lap, then you should change the "who" to a "whom."
Also, I saw the telecast in question, and since you were sitting at a table, it's a bit misleading to say that you were sitting in the front row. Please amend.
....and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!
More confusing language, Tommy. I think I know what you mean to say, but your sentence structure seems only to entreat the reader to personally greet Travis Barker and his wife. Please fix this.
.....and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me.....and he's sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P!
At this point, Tommy, I question the relevance of these details to the story. It seems as though you're trying to bolster your position simply by name-dropping. You should also have quotes around "come sit with me." Think about excising this whole section.
Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance....("I apologize sweetie.....I had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect")......back to the stupid-ness!!
Tommy, the word is "stupidity." Even if it was "stupidness," it wouldn't need the hyphen. This is simply sloppy.
....so.....
The overuse of ellipses had been getting tiresome, but this is the last straw. Surrounding one word with ellipses on either side is not grammatically correct by any standard. Please omit.
I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble...I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say "Hey dude...What up"?? He punches me in the face.....well if ya wanna call it that!?....more like a bitch slap!.......Wuss!!First, the question mark after "What up" should go inside the quotation mark. Second, there only needs to be one. The same goes for the exclamation marks after "Wuss." What's more, the sentence "well if ya wanna call it that" should be appended to the previous sentence (with a comma, Tommy, not an ellipsis), and the question mark should be eliminated, as the sentence is clearly not a question. Did your children write this? Perhaps somebody else's children?
Anyway....i go to knock this jealous country bumpkin the f$%k OUT....and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug ....security guards... grab me and haul my ass outta the award show!Tommy, this is absurd. Every ellipsis in this sentence, excepting the last one, should be replaced with a comma. A factual accounting of the story shouldn't include such profanity. Please rewrite.
So I'm fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner of the Palm's George Maloof......the rest is paper work and bullshit!... Anyway...... I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and MTV for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!!
Much Love
always!!.....Tommy!!
Again, you only need one exclamation point at a time, Tommy. Profanity should be kept to a minimum. "Palm's" should not have an apostrophe. What's more, if this is to be an accounting of the situation, you'd do well to use the real names of those involved, rather than shabby attempts at humor.
Tommy, the best I can do is to give you an incomplete and ask you to submit your final draft tomorrow, which I will reduce by a whole letter grade. You've been to college. Frankly, I expect better than you. If this is to be taken as your final draft, then I will have no choice but to fail you for the semester. I know it's only September, but this is that bad. Don't make me do this.
Source: TMZ
